Run to Madness
by Iblis
Summary: One moments madness could change your life, Lt. Gillette is going to find out how
1. Default Chapter

This is my VERY first PotC fic it's for the members of the NDL to enjoy. For Heavy is the burden - but he's worth it!  
  
This is a slash fic- If you think you may be offended don't go on.  
  
Not Beta read yet but it will be my beta is in the middle of an LXG fic is planning to do it Sunday.  
  
Rating- PG-13 (I think) Paring- Lt. Gillette/Commodore Norrington  
  
Run to Madness  
  
I sit at the edge of the battlements, my legs swung over the side staring down into the darkness and the jagged rocks I know are bellow.  
  
With a bottle in my hand I stare into my own privet hell, a hell of my own making I can see no way out. No way save a dive to those rocks and the empty embrace of the sea- the coward's way out?  
  
I'm not sure it could be the decent way out a way to save James the embarrassment of my court-martial.  
  
Lifting the bottle to my lips I take a swig and grimace as the drink burns a fiery trail to my stomach.  
  
Rum- I didn't look when I bought it off the barkeeper I just bust in as if the hounds of hell were after me and demanded "A bottle of something to drown in".  
  
It is I suppose a fitting drink, a pirate's drink for I have become a pirate.  
  
Renault Gillette- stealer of kisses, plunderer of the lips of a sleeping man, taking freely of what has not been offer to me willingly and violating the trust of friendship I had sort so long to earn as a younger man and had jealously guarded ever since.  
  
And I have done all of this to a man who I supposedly love with all of my heart, with ever fibre of my being with all that I am and will be.  
  
A knock on the door of James office received no reply, it was quite late and I thought perhaps my James had for once gone home early. So I opened the door and went in to leave my report on the desk where he would find it next morning.  
  
The sight that greeted me gave me fuel for the fires of fantasy that warm my bed of a night.  
  
James.  
  
He was asleep in the armchair he keeps for the visitors to sit in, he was bareheaded his thick dark hair gleamed in the light of the dieing fire. He looked peaceful, perhaps this was the only time he could truly be James L. Norrington when he was asleep and dreaming.  
  
A smile flitted across his lips and I heard his sleeping voice murmur softly "Kiss me my love".  
  
I was jealous instantly of this dream lover of his, who could have what I would sell my soul to have in my arms for a few sweet hours. That was if my soul was still mine to sell and did not already belong to James without him knowing - that and my love sick heart. I lost control of myself and I ran mad, over the phantom of a rival I would never see or know.  
  
Leaning over I lent in and kissed James on those oh so kissable lips. They were warm and soft under mine with the faint taste of James's adored brandy still lingering on them.  
  
I only ment to kiss him softly, then to creep out and leave him sleeping. But all the passion I feel for him came flooding out and it was a deep passionate kiss given with the force of my adoration and longing behind it.  
  
It - I woke him up.  
  
His confused turquoise-green eyes looked up me.  
  
"Renault?"  
  
I sprang back and stared at him, this was never meant to happen! James was never meant to realise I loved him in any way more that a friend and commanding officer. I started to back away toward the door I had to get out and away before anything else happened.  
  
James's voice said hesitantly "Renault? Did you just kiss me?"  
  
I turned and I ran my hat fell out of my hand but I carried on running I couldn't stop. Not even when James shouted for me to "Come Back"!  
  
I ran clear across town to my lodging and stopping only to pick up some money to get something, anything to drink. So here I am now contemplating the sea? Or the hangman's rope? Or worse still being sent far from James never to see him again.  
  
A movement then a voice deep and commanding. "Do you intend to jump or do you intend to tell me why you kissed me?"  
  
James. I turn to face my doom with a deep breath. This is it; the next few moments will decided the rest of my life. 


	2. Chapter Two

TITLE: Run To Madness  
  
AUTHOR: Iblis  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
WARNINGS: Slash  
  
GENRE: Romance  
  
FEEDBACK: I'd love some This chapter is dedicated to Mogs who helped me by being a sounding board for ideas, Thank-You.  
  
Chapter Two- Moment of Truth  
  
I turn James is standing before me; his face looks void of emotion as he contemplates me like I'm an unruly Midshipman who's upset him in someway.  
  
"Well Renault?" He asks me. I'm not sure if this is good or bad, he called me by name. Not Lt. or Gillette but by my name.  
  
"I...I" am stuttering like a love sick young girl.  
  
My God, he is magnificent; how Elizabeth Swann could chose a boy like William Turner, however handsome, over a MAN like James I will never able to fathom. Silly girl, well, if she truly loves him...  
  
James spots the bottle in my hand and snatches it from my grasp; he raises it to his nose and sniffs.  
  
Then throws it over the wall with a look of disgust "Rum? Couldn't you have chosen a decent Brandy...?"  
  
He trails off, a pained look of comprehension passes over his face and James starts to nod to himself as if the truth has just occurred to him.  
  
"You were drunk"  
  
"No"  
  
"You had to be."  
  
"Look, James, this is hardly the place to talk about - well - THIS." I tell him.  
  
James looks up to me "Very well. We'll go to my house since I don't really have staff and its Edwards' night off we won't be disturbed."  
  
He turns and walks way from me every inch the Navy picture of perfection.  
  
I follow him down the stone steps of the battlements and across the courtyard, out of the gates ignoring Murtogg's greeting and into the streets of Port Royal.  
  
James sets a brisk pace and I have to run slightly to keep up with him.  
  
I whish Theodore Groves was here so I could talk to him about this, what I've done, what might happen . Theodore is completely unshakable. I'm convinced of that he would no more than bat an eyelid if I turned up to work in nothing but my wig and hat and ask if I felt chilly.  
  
Even the fact that undead cursed pirates warranted nothing more than the flip remark of "You don't see those every day".  
  
I'm not sure what belief system my friend was raised in, but Theodore once told me as long as both parties consented and enjoyed what went on who was society to judge? That, he said, would be for God to decide when they met him when they passed on.  
  
But Theodore was the other side of Port Royal with a visiting aunt who insisted on looking after her wounded nephew, poor Theodore, or Teddy as she called him.  
  
It probably has more to do with marrying off her new stepdaughters than real concern for Theodore.  
  
We reached James's house and James pushed the iron gates open and I follow him.  
  
We've not said one word to each other since we left the fort; I've taken the odd glance at James trying to gauge him and his mood but he's been rather attentive to his boots.  
  
James leads me in to the hall way and stops to light an oil lamp on the hall table, the shadows playing about that handsome face of his. I'm reminded of the time as young midshipmen we sat up by candlelight on All Hallows Eve and scared each other half to death with ghost stories. Then we'd both greeted the senior Lieutenant's silent entry to the Midshipman's berth with girlish screams.  
  
James's study is cold so I stoop down and light a small fire with the kindling that's already laid out in the grate.  
  
James watches me with a less than calm face for a moment then that smooth voice asks softly 'So I want to know - why you did kiss me if you aren't drunk? Did you mistake me for one of your young ladies?'  
  
As if James could be mistaken for anything but a... No, not when he is the picture of masculine perfection.  
  
'I merely flirt, James. Play the part people expect of me I don't mean anything with it- but this, this is not flirting and I'm definitely not drunk'.  
  
'Then why?'  
  
Because you intoxicate me to the point I don't need drink?  
  
No if I tell James that he really will think I'm drunk.  
  
I take a deep breath and collect my thoughts - my feelings I have to do this - I have to tell James what I truly feel for him.  
  
I can no longer torture myself with what ifs and maybes I need to know for my own piece of mind.  
  
'No I kissed you because I love you.' I tell him stepping forward.  
  
James face looks ashen 'What?'  
  
'I am in love with you.'  
  
There's an angry confused look on his face now  
  
'What? You woke up one morning and decided that you'd fallen in love with me?' There's that angry cutting tone in his voice now.  
  
I look him straight in the eyes  
  
'I didn't decide, James, it simply happened I can't tell you when exactly I just know that you have been in my heart since we were Midshipmen; you mean more to me than...'  
  
James takes a step back shaking his head 'No, no, no, you can't be' he murmurs turning away. 'You can't be'.  
  
My heart sinks down to my boots and I feel the first pangs of acute misery.  
  
At least now I know, but its little consolation to the ache I'm starting to feel in my heart. Perhaps it's not too late to leap of the battlements back at the fort?  
  
No that's the coward's way out I would lose any respect James has left for me as well as my life if I did that.  
  
It will be back to the inn with me for another bottle of whatever the bar keep sees fit to give me and perhaps if I drink enough I won't wake up in a world where James hates me.  
  
'Don't you dare walk out of that door Renault Andrew Gillett.' James's voice sounds behind me; I stop with my hand on the door handle.  
  
'Since we were Midshipmen?'  
  
I don't turn to face him 'Yes, not love at first sight though; I find that's just for foolish young girls with heads stuffed full of romantic tales.'  
  
I steal a glance over my shoulder at James; his faces looks pained and I know it's because of me and it pains me in return.  
  
I turn away once more 'I don't regret falling in love with you James; you are loyal, brave, and clever; you think of the good of others before yourself. You're a good man. An honest man...'  
  
James laughs bitterly 'Hon...'  
  
I cut him off by holding up my hand 'We don't have to talk about it any more. I don't regret telling you how I feel because at least I know where I stand now- how ever I do regret the pain I've cased you with this mess, I hope I haven't lost your friendship but if I have I...'  
  
A hand grabs my shoulder and spins me around and suddenly James lips are on mine he kisses me like he's trying to inhale me. My arms are round James's waist and I return his kiss with equal fever.  
  
God? If you're up there you could take me now and I'd die a happy man.  
  
Annoyed as hell that you see fit to take me now, but happy.  
  
James pulls out of the kiss first and stares at me I smile at him.  
  
'So why did you kiss me?' I ask.  
  
'Because I've wanted to do it for months now' he tells me quietly.  
  
James pulls out of my embrace I let him go even though I'd like nothing more than to keep him safely locked in the cocoon of my embrace for as long as he'll have me.  
  
James walks over to the window seat and he sits down, the heavy curtains are drawn but there is a sliver of moonlight shining in and on to James face making him looks paler than he should be.  
  
James motions to me 'Come sit with me Renault' I sit down next to him and take his hand in my own and gently kiss it.  
  
That earns me a rare much sort after smile from James.  
  
'I did love Elizabeth Swann you know'  
  
Oh yes, I do know that. When you first noticed how very lovely she had become you would extol her virtues to me, before finally asking the governor for permission to court her. During this I found myself whish her very ill indeed of course I don't say that out loud as an officer I am above such things.  
  
Apparently.  
  
James gathers himself to carry on with what he needs to tell me.  
  
'But I wasn't IN love with her, that's why I released her to be with Turner; I do care about her enough to realize that being with me, married to me, would have made her deeply unhappy.'  
  
James looks at me and squeezes my hand 'All of that time Renault I was falling in love with you. I had no idea how to let you know or even if I should. Men who love other men are not exactly held in high regard by society.'  
  
Another deep breath and he plunges on 'I hate myself, Renault; here I am a Commodore of the Royal Navy, bound to serve and protect, to up hold the law and here I am lusting after one of my own officers; more than that, a friend. I feel a perverse and disgusting creature not worthy to love a...'  
  
'My God! I had no idea!' I gasp because I truly had no idea James is very good at hiding what he feels very rarely will he let anybody know. 'James you must not think like that you are not vile and disgusting, you are a good, loyal man who deserves to be loved by man or woman alike.'  
  
'But I feel like a monster.'  
  
I smile at him 'You are nothing of the sort James.' I reach out and cup his cheek tenderly 'Are you forcing your self on me? No I want to be here with you, only you if you'll have me.'  
  
He nods softly his face a mix of emotions 'I do love you Renault but. . .'  
  
'Hush' I say my hand slipping down to his lips 'You don't need to tell me I know.'  
  
I pull James into my embrace once more and his arms cling on to me like I'm his life line.  
  
'You need time,' I say softly resting my check in his hair inhaling his sent. He nods into my chest. 'You take all the time you need I'm happy as we are.'  
  
And it's quite true because this morning I never would of thought this possible and this night my dream has come true.  
  
James Norringtion is in my arms and he loves me. 


End file.
